After the recent news that ITV Sport has bought the rights to all of the football league mascots, Bodger the lovable
Wanderers retard has taken the news worse than most. Reports that won't shock most Wycombe fans suggest that he has
been admitted to a clinic in another twist to the long running saga of his mascot career. Alcoholic police officer
Murray Mendoza who dons the foam outfit each week has according to station colleagues "completely lost the plot".
Mendoza began working as the matchday mascot back in 1997, when Bluey the Swan was thrown into a skip by a short-sighted
cleaner. His whereabouts are still unknown.
Neighbour Pam Willis told us "He likes a drink and a smoke but I haven't seen him for a over a month now, the last
time I saw him he was sitting on a bench in Frogmoor. I would have said hello if he wasn't such a twat to my kids".
Have you seen Bodger recently? Well, club spokesman Smokey Fishburn certainly hadn't. Just a few days ago he was anxious
to know where Bodger was. "That costume cost us over a grand you know. That kind of money doesn't come cheap at this
club. That's right the team bus doesn't run itself, there's a month's worth of petrol running around out there
somewhere." Smokey went on to say "We gave Murray the bad news before the friendly against Tottenham, he seemed
to take it well at the time and performed his normal match day duties." Bodger may have well been up to his usual
high standard of bumbling around but after the game it was a different story. By all accounts he locked himself in
the dressing room crying like a gibbon. Two hours later he fled to the car park, jumped on to El Presidente Beeks' gold
Lexus throwing stones at anyone who came close. Police were called to the scene but he'd escaped into the woods
shouting "at least I've still got my mullet somewhere" before they arrived some 3 hours later.
During the Christmas festivities of the same year Bodger was sent for psychiactric assessment when he was spotted
taking potshots at rabbits behind the valley terrace with an air rifle. On a cocktail of booze and weed and claiming he
was bored waiting for half time, he was only caught when a man left the ground early because he was meant to be getting
his wife a new chest of drawers from John Lewis.
Then, after a trouble free season and the chance of promotion to Marketing Director, his world fell apart when
accusations began to proliferate about a number of valuable chairs going missing from Wycombe's premier tourist
attraction, the Chair Museum. It was claimed, and is yet unfounded that over a period of months he stole many prized
chairs during a number of special appearances he made at school holidays in order to feed his ever increasing drink
and drug fixation. "You know I'm only speculating but maybe he really was interested in the historical relevance
of his character," said Edwin Stark, museum director. "Perhaps he wants to make his role as
authentic as possible." The chairs were later recovered from Second Hand City.
In the cruellest act of irony a speeding car being driven by none other than Goblin impersonator and part time
broadcaster Jim Rosenthal yesterday hit Bodger. "He was just staggering down the middle of the dual carriageway.
I may have had a couple of sherbets but there was no way I could avoid him. I put the anchor down and next thing I know
there's a ten foot mongol bouncing off me windscreen." Bodger was released from hospital shaken but unharmed.
He refused to comment but a hospital porter told us that doctors had advised him to check himself into a rehab clinic.
His fate now probably lies in the hands of the local AA clinic, which perhaps spells the end of Bodger for this
coming season. He may never even grace the hallowed turf of Adams Park ever again. We live in hope.
PC Mendoza's personal troubles started when he was dismissed from the vice squad and put back on the beat in
Wycombe town centre. To escape the jibes he took up the disguise of Bodger in the hope of impressing undercover chiefs.
But now it appears that this final insult of being replaced by an enormous, foamed-up Barry Venison has sent him over
the edge. The immaculately coiffured TV pundit is set to replace the mascots at over 70 league clubs next season in a
deal worth around £250 to all clubs who signed up.
Wanderers fans are all too familiar with Bodger's uncouth behavior. In 1997 after just three months in the job he lost
his head, quite literally with reporters at a home game. Believing them to be snapping his features after his head fell
off he ran at them pulling down his trousers shouting "is this what you're looking for?"
Club officials let him stay on claiming children still believed him to be real.
