Hi kids, I'm Tony Hart. I was recently asked to open the rusted old doors to my gallery once again and display some work by what I assumed were some special needs children. Turned out they were by upstanding members of one of these new interweb net sites designing soccer kits for a team called Wikam Wanderers. Apparently the club will be ten years old soon and to celebrate they are launching a new kit. You can vote for your favourite design and if you fancy having a go yourself use the template at the bottom and send it in to stackmybeechup@hotmail.com. But remember kids, none of your pictures can be returned. So, wait there while i'll just turn off Henry's Cat and without any further ado I proudly present The Gallery...

 

Shirt #1

Ted, 5 (mental age)
An fun design with a traditional theme. I like this very much

Shirt #2

Petulengro, 10
Petulengro calls this 'Heaven Sent'. Ahhhhhh isn't that nice. Good work pet.

Shirt #3

Gasman, 11
This deserves to be made into one of my giant pictures on an airfield somewhere. Lovely. Well done 'Gasman'

Shirt #4

Russell, 6
Young Russell demonstrates perfectly that only mad people can draw a perfect circle!!! Marvellous.

Shirt #5

Simon, 38
Hideously beautiful just like my wire haired terrier.
My god what have I let myself in for.

Shirt #6

Simon, 38
This isn't very nice at all. Things have obviously changed since Hartbeat

Shirt #7

Simon, 7
Looks like a personal and intimate design from Simon.
Should be called Basil with a pair of shorts like that.
Doesn't do much for me.

Shirt #8

Farringdon, 9
A dash of distortion, a soupcon of simplification and
a modicum of modernisn. Utter shite.
Thanks anyway, farringdon.

Shirt #9

mister nice guy, 7
Pungent. Brrrrrrr.
Can I go now?

Shirt #10

Aaron, 10
This is just downright filthy, sordid and disgusting.
Why anyone would want that face on their shirt is beyond me. Fuck it.

Shirt #11

Alan, 48
Fuck me, this is bit too rude for my show but there's nothing wrong with a shaven haven that's for sure.

 

Shirt #12

oily sailor, 8½
oily writes "I loved this design so much I had one made!". Thanks oily I'm sure you look very pretty in it. Weirdo.

 

Shirt #13

Faringdon, 9
A salsa of colour and a breath of fresh air. This wouldn't look out of place on the world's gayest man.

Shirt #14

Alvin, 108½
Raunchy, zestful and dramatic? I dunno, are there many more left?

Shirt #15

Oriental Chairboy, 5¼
Did the Vision On gallery ever get entries from Japan?
This little number is guaranteed to make Mexicans sulk....

 

Shirt #16

Jack, 8
Bugger me, this one's almost too tasteful to go
in here. Nice one Jack, I'll have a double please.

Shirt #17

Tory Goon, 54
Fuck me that's obscene. Still, at least Mr. Goon had the decency not to stick the leprous face of that scuttling abortion T******r on the shirt. I feel ill.

Shirt #18

jiMy trousers, 2
Doctors are encouraged that jiMy has started drawing with his crayons instead of eating them or putting them in the cat.

Shirt #19

Barry Bastard, 9½
Clever idea from young Barry, the wearer creates their own design..wonder what the players would do with this??

Shirt #20

Stupid Brian, 6
Aaah, young Brian is surfing on a wave of nostalgia...
bit of blood, bit of machismo. I rather like it.

Shirt #21

Dante, born aged 7
Bloody Nora...what's all this about? Perfect for a
stoned socialist mod racing driver maybe. Can I go now?
Voting Time
Pick your favourite shirt...

View current results

Well I haven't seen anything as sickening since that plastercine incident in '72 when I ended up chewing Morph's cock off.
I don't know why I fucking bothered but if you think you can do better use the template below and send it in to the usual address. Anything you send will probably get displayed at some point.

See ya later.

 

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